Love, hate, and teenagers

Love, hate, and teenagers

This is my first new blog post in over a year. Working full-time and the roller coaster of other issues have kept me from it. But I was inspired to start writing again by a friend (thanks Isabel!) who reminded me that I have a bit of a knack for it. For me, writing is therapeutic, but if I can also possibly reach someone else who might be struggling with these same issues, then it’s a win-win.

And since some of you may not read until the very end of the post, here’s the most important takeaway from it: It’s okay to occasionally say parenting sucks! Because sometimes, it does. It doesn’t make you a bad person or parent to admit that sometimes you feel weak and defeated and destroyed and just plain sad. If you never felt those things as a parent, you’re not human and I need to know what model of cyborg you are so I can look into upgrading.  And know that no matter how great a parent you are, no matter how many things you do right, no matter how often you think “That would never happen to MY kid,” trust me, it can.

There has been so much going on that I have not talked about publicly, for many reasons. First and foremost, because of the personal and sensitive nature of the situation. So, most things in this post may be vague, but just know that it is to protect the privacy of people involved. I like to be transparent whenever possible, but that only goes so far as it protects the people I love. Secondly, there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with some of it. It’s no secret that guilt and parenting go hand in hand. They should have motivational posters all over the maternity ward that read “Prepare to Feel Guilty About Everything For the Rest of Your Life.” And then they should hand you a lifetime subscription to a Wine of the Month club! Take note of that fellas, because I may have just cornered the market on push presents.

To say our family has been struggling the past year is an understatement. Every family has their problems, and anyone who has had a teenager knows that the seas are rough and wild. But, without going into any specifics, let me just say that our struggles, and more specifically the struggles of my daughter go beyond your typical teenage angst.

Another motivational poster hospitals should consider: “Parenting – It’s not for the faint of heart!”

Let me tell you, parenting was a whole lot easier in my imagination with my hypothetical kids! The hardest thing about parenting that no one prepares you for, though, is that you lose your kids. You fall in love with this child, and you get used to this version of them that loves you and depends on you. And then they grow, and change. And even though that can be wonderful, it hurts to know you’ve lost the other version of that person. That little person is gone and you’ll never have that again. And once you get used to the next version and learn how to navigate those waters, they move on to the next phase and become someone else. The same kid who used to beg me to watch her sit on the toilet now won’t even give me a second look.

It’s especially painful when that child grows into someone you don’t even recognize. Someone who truly believes they hate you. Someone who, despite how you’ve raised them, can spew unbelievable hatred your way. Someone who blames you for every bad thing that has ever happened in their life, whether it’s your fault or not. When you have done everything in the world and then some for a person, and they have no love or appreciation for you, it’s an awful feeling. But because you love them, you take it. You try to tell yourself that they are going through something you can’t understand.  You take it and take it and choke back the sobs and wipe away your tears and push the hurt way deep down inside, because it’s your child. But, in my opinion, the strength it takes to love someone who hates you is the strength only a parent has. Your child is the only person you would ever possibly accept that from and still love them anyway. I could make a killing selling a wine called “13-Year-Old Hateful Merlot.” I could market it as the epidural for being a mom of a teen!

Possibly the most helpful poster they could have: “Teenagers – Man, can they be little a-holes!

The hardest part of all though, is the feeling of helplessness. Of knowing your child is going through something, and doing your best to help them, but knowing you can’t. All I ever wanted in life was to be a good mom. I was never really a career-oriented person. I always wanted to be in a much less-sexist version of Leave it to Beaver. To have a baby and give them an amazing childhood. A life full of as much happiness as possible.  Enough wonderful memories to blow away any bad ones.  To be the mom that’s the greatest mom and the best friend. The mom that makes the best cookies, hosts the best sleepovers, and has one of the sweetest and happiest kids you would ever meet. As it turns out, all of that is pretty much unattainable.  I’ll never be quite that good. (Okay, I will give myself the cookies thing, because my cookies are the bomb.com! Ask anyone.)

But still, I am always there for her. And whenever she has struggled, I have tried to be for her what I needed at that age. I’ve tried showing her love and compassion every possible way I know how. But sometimes it just isn’t enough. That is the most awful part of what we are going through. No matter what I do, it will never be enough. It’s discouraging and painful to say the least. But…gotta keep on keepin’ on!

Because truly, there is nothing else you can do except keep on going. In the words of my favorite fish ever, “Just keep swimming.” In spite of everything, I love my child more than life itself. I would do anything and everything in this world for her. And I will never, ever give up on her. Yes, our lives are an emotional wreck right now. Yes, every time I think we’ve hit rock bottom, we continue to hit new lows. Yes, I cry almost every day. Yes, I worry almost every waking moment about my child.  But, we’are also experiencing. love, and laughter, and joy.  This parenting thing is like the most intense roller coaster you’ve ever ridden, only you can never get off. But, I wouldn’t….even if sometimes I wish I could.

And when all else fails…I will choose to remember this:

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All my favorite men…

All my favorite men…

I started thinking today about all the celebrity crushes I’ve had over the years.  And there have been a lot! Many have come and gone, and a select few have always stayed close to my heart.  So as a treat for me as well as all the ladies out there, I’m going to share some of my favorite pieces of man candy and the reasons why I love them!

Because I was young…

Ralph Macchio  

 From the first time he put on that kimono and managed to defeat a bully twice his size, I knew he was definitely sexy in my book!

Andrew McCarthy  

 Whether he was secretly pining for Leslie in St. Elmo’s Fire, or quietly pursuing Andie in Pretty in Pink, this prepster always gave me butterflies.  And who could forget Weekend At Bernie’s??

Luke Perry 

 Dylan McKay…man of my adolescent dreams.  I pined, I dreamed, I obsessed.  Sadly he never became mine, but sometimes I still dream that he did.  ūüôā

Because they were cute then AND now…

Mark-Paul Gosselaar  

 Zack Morris was another boy of every girl’s dreams I think.  That all American smile and charm made him irresistable.  And he definitely grew up to be hunkier than ever.  He’s cute and hilarious on Franklin and Bash, and still a dreamboat!

Patrick Dempsey

  He stole my heart in Can’t Buy Me Love, showing everyone that the geek can in fact get the girl.  Of course we all know he grew up to be McDreamier than ever on Grey’s Anatomy.  I still can’t believe he’s gone!  But I’d for sure let him mow my yard or operate on my brain anytime!

Because older men need love too…

George Clooney 

 Be still my heart!  How is it possible that the older this man gets, the hunkier he gets?  He grabbed my attention as Dr. Doug Ross, and he never lost it.  He is truly the perfect male specimen.

Kevin Costner 

 Sexiest Robin Hood ever!  The kiss at the end after he kills the Sherrif of Nottingham solidified his place in my heart!  What girl doesn’t want to hear the man she loves telling her he would die for her?

Harrison Ford 

 From Han Solo to the President, he brings the sexy to every single role, even when he doesn’t mean to.  That husky voice and sexy smile always have me enthralled.  I mean, who can yell “get off my plane” and still manage to sound sexy?

Because abs…

Ryan Reynolds 

 Enough said.

Tyrese  Gibson

 Yep

Because altheletes…

Tom Brady 

 Deflategate be damned!  Any time that tight Patriot booty is on the field, I pay attention.  And that face is pretty easy on the eyes too…

Russell Westbrook 

  Ah, my sexy, brooding hunk of Thunder.  He’s so aggressive and in the zone on the court, but his smile shows his heart of gold.  And that body is bangin!  Plus, you have to applaud his bold fashion choices…

Because diversity…

Idris Elba 

 What a sexy, chocolately hunk of a man.  And oh, the British accent.  So incredibly sexy!

L.L. Cool J 

 Doin it and doin it and doin it well…mmm…hmmm…

Andy Garcia 

 Nothing like a Latin lover to get your blood pumping.  That handsome face and velvety voice have had me hooked for years.  And a man that can cry…yep that will do it too!

Mark Consuelos 

 Mr. Kelly Ripa is a slice of man cake with extra frosting!  That skin, that smile, those teeth!  He just looks like a fun dad and a sexy husband!

Because musicians…

Adam Levine  

 Oh honey…so smoldering and dangerous looking.  You can sing to me anytime!

Justin Timberlake  

 Who doesn’t love a guy who’s adorable, funny, and can sing you sweet, sweet love songs?  Baby you can bring sexy back to my hosue anytime you want!

Because they’ve always had my heart and always will…

Paul Walker  

 His was one of the few celebrity deaths that I took really hard.  I legitimately felt sad about it for days.  And anytime I see one of his movies, it always comes rushing back. Everything about him screamed perfection! R.I.P to one of my all time celebrity loves!

Josh Duhamel   

 He stole my heart on Las Vegas and I never fully got it back.  I was actually bummed when he married Fergie.  He’s funny, cool, sexy, and adorable all at the same time.  What’s not to love?

Ben Affleck 

 My favorite Hollywood hunk of all time.  My free pass.  The one guy I would leave my husband for.  (ok that’s not true, and I’d never get the chance anyway.)  I’ve always loved him, even when others hated him.  I hated JLo for dating him and rooted for Jennifer Garner when she married him.  Their divorce really bummed me out.  But I still love Ben and always will!  He can make me laugh or make me cry at the drop of a hat.  And oh the sexiness…it’s just too much for me!  I can never look away!

Hollywod hunks aside… 

 In all seriousness…here is my FAVORITE man of them all…my hubby!  That is one tall drink of water!  Not to mention sweet, funny, caring, and kind.  He’s the best husband I could ask for.  And I know no matter what happens,  he will always give me butterflies and make me laugh!

I hope you all enojoyed these few minutes of man candy.  It defintely perked up my day a little!  Happy Tuesday everyone!



   

Stuff my drama tween says

Stuff my drama tween says

Over the years my adorable and witty daughter has said some pretty hilarious things.  I started writing them down mostly just for my own amusement and to reflect on her cuteness.  It really is true, kids say the darndest things!  So I thought I would share some of my favorite Abby musings and maybe you all can have a little giggle too.

– “Someone told me I have a sparkle in my eye, but I didn’t do anything with glitter today.”

– “I wish I was a witch so I could fly aroud on a broom.”

– “I’m smart, because I eat smarties.” (can’t argue with that logic!)

– “What is Mrs. Clause’s first name?” (I’ve always wondered that myself!)

– “I would never want to be a vampire, because I wouldn’t be able to see my own reflection.” (I agree!)

– “My friend Gabby says she’s allergic to cats, so I’m not sure why she likes Hello Kitty.”

– “My heart is filled with love for hot chocolate.”  (Mine too honey, mine too)

– “If you look in my shirt, you might find a surprise.” (note: she was hiding something from us under her shirt)

– “I don’t want to waste my time doing homework.” (and I don’t want to waste my time helping you with it!)

– “I’m gonna open a lemonade stand and charge $2.  And I’m gonna put a sign that says no change.  I don’t want any of that stuff, it’s George Washingtons only!”  (apparently she doesn’t like money that jingles!)

– “They should call Panda Express Chicken Express.  To call it Panda Express they need to have food that pandas would eat.”

– “Beer tastes like salty socks.” (don’t ask me HOW she knows this!)

Those are just some of the crazy things she has said.  That girl makes me laugh!  I hope you all had a little laugh too.  Have a great Tuesday!

Dear Greg Glassman: What my dead homies would like you to know…

Dear Greg Glassman: What my dead homies would like you to know…

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have Type 1 Diabetes, and am very passionate about bringing awareness to and helping find a cure for this disease.  Of the many daily struggles someone with T1D faces, blame and misinformation are some of the biggest ones.  And actually, that goes for any diabetic, no matter what type you have.  So many people are misguided and misinformed about the differences between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, and there are so many myths as to what causes them.  So when I see a company that supposedly represents health and fitness putting insensitive and incorrect information out there, naturally I get angry.

Yesterday, the writer of the Twitter account for the CrossFit Corporation posted an ignorant, mindless, hurtful tweet regarding sugar and diabetes.¬† In case you didn’t see it, here it is: https://twitter.com/CrossFit/status/615539464232902656

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“Make sure to pour some out for your dead homies.” -Greg Glassman #CrossFit #SugarKills

I feel like based on this alone, whoever writes for this Twitter account should be fired.¬† Besides the obvious fact that sugar doesn’t cause diabetes, this is¬†blatantly hurtful to those with diabetes and those who have lost someone due to diabetes complications.¬† But no, it didn’t stop there.¬† After tons of backlash from diabetics everywhere, CrossFit not only continued to defend this heartless garbage, but continued to perpetuate lies about diabetes under the guise of being a “health and fitness” corporation. So I decided to read their follow-up tweets in response to the backlash they were getting.¬† I’m now going to debunk some of the most ridiculous of their follow-up tweets¬†in a little segment I’m calling “What my dead homies and I would like CrossFit Corporation to know.”

1.¬†” Anyone can get T2 diabetes, even those with T1.¬† Stop assuming we don’t grasp the difference and help us raise awareness.”

Clearly you’re the one not understanding here dude. This is wrong on so many levels.¬† First off, the original tweet had nothing to do with “raising awareness.”¬† Stop acting like it did.¬† It was meant to be a self-righteous insult to those people who the CrossFit people deem “unhealthy.”¬† Secondly, a Type 1 diabetic CANNOT become a Type 2 diabetic.¬† Basic biology tells us that is impossible.¬† Type 1 diabetes is defined as a disease where the body NO LONGER has the cells to produce insulin.¬† It essentially means your pancreas is just a useless organ taking up space.¬† Type 2 diabetes means that the body still makes insulin, but uses it incorrectly.¬† That alone should tell you what you need to know.¬† There is no way my pancreas can magically start working again and start producing insulin, just to start using it wrong and turn me into a Type 2 diabetic.¬† A Type 1 diabetic CAN develop insulin resistance, which is a symptom of Type 2.¬† But, by definition, a T1D can never become T2 because the body will never again produce insulin and therefore you remain insulin dependent.

2.“…know that when we point to big-soda products causing diabetes, we are referring to Type 2 diabetes…”

It’s ok to say that soda is not good for maintaining a healthy lifestyle.¬† But that’s not what CrossFit did here.¬† What they did was A: Wrongfully name sugar as a CAUSE of diabetes (it isn’t) and B: Shame those with Type 2 diabetes by saying they gave themselves this disease because they drink Coke.¬† Even if this tweet was aimed at Type 2 diabetics, it’s not ok to shame anyone or blame them for this disease. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease and not is not preventable or caused by lifestyle factors.¬† Type 2 diabetes is caused by genetics and lifestyle, and sugar contributes to that overall, but sugar alone is NOT¬†a cause for Type 2 diabetes.¬† And here’s a newsflash for you:¬† If all soda went away tomorrow, diabetes would still exist.

3.” We see tons of T1’s that should know the difference and not get so offended by their own assumptions about what we meant.” AND “…maybe you could explain to your son that our parody is clearly aimed at type 2 diabetes.”

Oh, you’re right CrossFit, I shouldn’t get offended.¬† What’s offensive about mocking a deadly, chronic illness?¬† What’s offensive about your corporation spreading false information?¬† And while we’re on that subject, you’re a fitness corporation.¬† In what world does that make you qualified to give information or advice about diabetes?¬† What’s offensive about a parody about death from a horrible disease?¬† You’re right, it’s all our fault for being so damn sensitive about something that defines our every day activities.

These were just a few of the many tweets that followed.¬† Instead of clarifying and apologizing for offending millions of people, this person continued to post insulting tweet after insulting tweet.¬† At this point I am making it my personal mission to complain until this person is fired or the company issues an apology for its conduct.¬† I can’t fathom what kind of business could be so rude and insensitive to the general public and think they won’t lose customers.¬† And especially for a company that thinks it’s the ultimate in human fitness, a little research and education could go a long way.¬† It is completely irresponsible to perpetuate misinformation and encourage disease shaming.

So, Mr. CEO Greg Glassman, I really hope you are learning something in this experience. Now what you need to do is STOP the offensive tweets on this subject. Stop digging yourself an even bigger hole. The diabetes community will now be expecting 2 things from your company: 1: A public apology for shaming all diabetics and spreading out-right lies about diabetes, and 2: A sizeable donation to a diabetes-related charity.  Own up to your mistake and do the right thing.  After all, with so many diabetics in the world, do you really want all this bad publicity?

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Ode to my fur baby!

Ode to my fur baby!

Am I raising a cat or an infant?  I ask myself this question often about my little feline bundle of joy, Kiwi.  She is most definitely NOT what I signed up for when I got a cat, and sometimes I wonder if she’s a dog or human child trapped in a cats body.

I ended up with Kiwi by accident.  A friend of mine brought home a stray kitten, knowing her husband was allergic.  Although, this cute little kitten face could not have possibly been resisted.  Alas, the husband remained allergic, and the cat had to go.  At this point I had seen her a few times, and had becomed mesmerized by her cuteness.  So when said friend called and said the kitten was going to the pound unless I took her home, well, if you know me, you know there was no choice for me in the matter.  That’s how Kiwi came to be mine.

I have never been a cat person.  I have always loved dogs.  They are loyal, affectionate, obedient, and you can almost always tell what they are thinking.  Cats scare me.  They are diabolical.  You can never tell what they are thinking, and that just freaks me out.  I often feel when I look at cats that I can see them secretly plotting someones demise.  It’s just a little creepy!

However, as Kiwi and I became aquainted, I began to see she was not like other cats I had known.  She was needy, and affectionate, and wanted a lot more attention than I was prepared to give.  So I had to adjust my expectations.  And the more I got to know this little kitten, the more I became suspicous that she was not a normal cat.  Cats are supposed to be independent and aloof.  But not this little one.

So now I have started asking myself:  Is this a cat, or a child?  In case you’re thinking I’m crazy, I present you with 10 ways my cat acts like a child:

1.  She needs constant attention, and will cry until she gets it, like a baby that cries until you pick it up.

  
2.  She has to be where I am all the time, and does not care if it’s an inconvenience.

  
3.  I can never shower or go to the bathroom alone.

  
4.  She must always sleep in my bed, and must always be on top of or at least touching my body.

  

5.  She needs so much physical affection, but only on her terms

  
6.  She follows me around constantly, and is always in the way

  
7.  My bed is never mine.

  
8.  Constant food and water are always a must.

  
9.  And I can’t forget about the constant early morning wakeup calls…

  
10.  But no matter what, she loves me the most, and always makes sure I know it. ūüôā

  

What defines courage?

What defines courage?

I will be sharing 2 blog posts this week.  One will be serious.  Since I have already opened the controversial can of worms with my last TWO posts, apparently, I thought I might as well go for a 3rd.  My 2nd post this week will be purely comic relief.  So stay tuned!

Since the appearance of the new public figure Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair a few weeks ago, I have seen responses varying from supportive to outright hatred. ¬†The transgender lifestyle is for sure a controversial topic to some extent, I think mostly because a lot of people don’t understand it. ¬†And not very many celebrities or public figures have ever come out as a transgender individual. ¬†So it is still a fairly new thing, at least in the public eye.

The main topic of outrage I have seen about this is due to the fact that Caitlyn has been awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at this ¬†year’s ESPY’s. ¬†A majority people have expressed the fact that what Caitlyn has done is not courageous or heroic and is not deserving of that title. ¬†I’m actually surprised how many people were shocked by this given the fact that the award went to Michael Sam last year. ¬†But that’s neither here nor there I guess.

Given the list of some of the previous winners, which includes, Robin Roberts, Muhammed Ali, Nelson Mandela, and Pat Tillman, just to name a few, I will agree that giving the award to Caitlyn Jenner is somewhat questionable. ¬†My personal opinion on it is that it is a ratings and publicity stunt on the part of ESPN. ¬†But is that Caitlyn’s fault? ¬†No, it’s not. ¬†And does that mean that what Caitlyn has done is not courageous? ¬†Absolutely not. ¬†Some of the more hateful memes I have seen regarding this show soldiers saying they want to “thank” Jenner for her “courage.” ¬†And another one that is going around is that Caitlyn won this award over Noah Galloway, an Army veteran and amputee. ¬†Just to clear things up, that is FALSE. ¬†There are not nominees for this award. ¬†ESPN chooses one person to recieve it, end of story. ¬†I happen to think Noah would be an amzazing recepient for this award. ¬†But he did not “lose” it to Caitlyn Jenner. ¬†And putting that out there is just plain hurtful. ¬†Gotta love social media. ūüôā

But all these memes and all these people insulting the award that was given to Jenner made me start to wonder: ¬†what defines courage? ¬†Who’s to decide who is a hero, who is courageous and brave, and who is not? ¬†Seeing the memes with the soldiers made me wonder, is heroism and courage limited only to those who fight in the military? ¬†Do NOT get me wrong. ¬†I am one of the biggest military supporters you will ever meet. ¬†I love America and the amazing men and women who fight for our freedom. ¬†Without them, I wouldn’t be able to express these opinions right now. ¬†I have a father and brother who both served in Afghanistan and my father also served in the Gulf war. ¬†Their courage and bravery are the ultimate gift in my opinon.

However, does that mean that other people who do courageous acts are not worthy of that definition? ¬†Courage and bravery mean so many things to so many different people. ¬†I would not say that Jenner’s decision to fully transition to a woman and share that journey with the world should be in the same category as a person who is serving our country. ¬†But it is still courageous nonetheless.

Let’s define courage. ¬†COURAGE: noun. ¬†“the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.” ¬†Nowhere in that definition does it say that definition is limted to a certain group of individuals. ¬†Courage is defined in so many ways. ¬†Courage is being a parent. ¬†Courage is going for that dream career at the expense of everything else. ¬†Courage is committing to spending your life with someone. ¬†Courage is knowing when to walk away from someone who isn’t good for you. ¬†Courage is training for a marathon when you haven’t run a day in your life. ¬†I don’t believe that anyone has the right to automatically say that someone’s behavior isn’t courageous solely based on the fact that they don’t agree with their lifestyle.

There are a lot of people out there who saying being transgender or homosexual is a lifestyle choice. ¬†My opinion on that is that it absolutely is not. ¬†As a hot-blooded, man-loving woman, I know that I could never just up and decide to be sexually attracted to women. (excluding the few drunken kisses with my friends in my 20’s, but who doesn’t do that right?) ¬†And I could definitely never just decide that I no longer like my lady parts and instead want to have a penis. ¬†So I have to believe that it is the way we are made. ¬†Meaning transgender and homosexual people are that way from birth, and they have no choice in the matter. ¬†I won’t debate that because everyone has the right to their own opinion. ¬†I know what the Bible says about homosexuality, but the Bible also says a lot of things about loving each other and to not judge, lest you be judged. ¬†So you can’t pick and choose which parts to follow if you’re gonna use that argument.

So to everyone who is being all high and mighty on this issue, I’d like you to stop for a minute and consider something, without judgment, just for a moment. ¬†Imagine what your life would be like if you were living a lie. ¬†If everything you said and did HAD to be a facade. ¬†If you went through every single day feeling different, or not right in your own skin. ¬†How must that feel? ¬†Now imagine one day you find the COURAGE to be who you truly are inside, to do what makes you happy, to be who God intended you to be. ¬†But, by doing that, you risk losing your job, your family, your friends, possibly everything you have worked for or achieved in your lifetime. ¬†To me, that is one of the ultimate acts of courage and bravery.

Caitlyn Jenner coming out this way to the world and sharing her journey with everyone to see could cut both ways. ¬†On one hand, part of me thinks that she is becoming one of the Kardashian pulicity whores. ¬†But, on the other hand, her decision to go through this journey out in the open also has the opportunity to help people. ¬†And if her journey helps even one person out there who is struggling with the same issues, then it’s worth it. ¬†So to those who would say that Bruce Jenner was not courageous for changing his life, or that Caitlyn is not courageous for living it, I would say this: ¬†Think of all the life choices that you have ever made where you stood to lose something. ¬†Did you stand by your decision anyway, no matter what opposition stood in your way? ¬†That, my friends, is courage.

In closing, I will give you this, in hopes that we can all try to see each other through God’s eyes, through loving eyes, and not eyes of hatred or judgment. ¬†1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Dear Duggars:

Dear Duggars:

I have never had the intention of getting political/controversial on this blog. ¬†My posts are normally intended for fun and relatability, and I don’t ever want to try to ruffle feathers. ¬†But since I am sitting here fuming over what I just witnessed, I feel I must get this out or else something in my home is about to get broken. ¬†Also I am about 3 glasses of wine in and so mad I can’t even see straight.

I will preface this by saying I have never thought the Duggars were bad people. ¬†I think they are very closed-minded and don’t agree with a lot of parts of their lifestyle, but I have never begrudged them for living their lives. But then this scandal about Josh Duggar erupted. ¬†And I was immediately infuriated by the hypocrisy of it all. ¬†How dare they go out of their way to label gay and transgender people as pedophiles, when they had a pedophile living under their roof? ¬†How dare they go on television and claim to be an upstanding family with no flaws while they have this awful secret? ¬†I’ll tell you how: ¬†It’s because they are “The Duggars.” ¬†They are put on a pedestal as the epitome of Christian values. ¬†When this came out, I was shocked at how many came to their defense. ¬†If this was the Kardashians instead of the Duggars, I promise you no one would be defending them. ¬†I am a Christian person, but what I am not is a hypocrite who portrays a life of perfection while sweeping all my horrible choices under the rug.

Immediately I hear people saying “everyone has sinned” and “no one should judge” and quoting all the Bible verses to support that. ¬†Where were these people when the Duggars were out there ACTIVELY JUDGING people? ¬†Claiming that an entire group of people were sexual predators solely based on their sexual orientation. ¬†If they had this secret, instead of advocating against the gay community, they could have been out there advocating for victims of sexual violence. ¬†That would have been a way to spin this horrible situation into something positive. ¬†But instead they hid this and persecuted others, instead of using it to do something good.

Alas, I was ready to let it go and move on, if they actually owned up to it. ¬†Maybe Josh and his victims really did get the counseling they needed. ¬†Maybe Josh really is no longer a threat to little girls. ¬†At least I was hoping for that. ¬†I do sympathize for what this family went through. ¬†And they had a chance to come clean and have some good come out of this, and that’s what I was praying would happen. But then…I watched the Megyn Kelly interview.

So now, to help calm my anger, I am going to address the main takeaways from this interview, and why I think Jim Bob and Michelle as parents and people, should be completely ashamed of themselves.

“He was just curious about girls and just touched them over their clothes.”

Maybe if you would have conversations with your children about their bodies, and sexuality, and what’s inappropriate and not, he may not have “been curious.” ¬†Or, you could just let him have a girlfriend like a normal 14 year old boy.

“This was not rape or anything, it was touching someone over their clothes, a couple of incidents of touching them under their clothes, but it was just like a few seconds.”

Molesting is molesting.  Sexual abuse is serious whether it is rape or a guy grabbing your boobs at a bar.  Stop trivializing it.

“As parents you’re not mandatory reporters. ¬†The law allows for parents to do what they think is best for their child.”

NO, Jim Bob, CHILDREN. ¬†You have children, not “child.” You were the parents of the victims too, not just the offender. ¬†Why is what’s best for Josh coming before what’s best for your daughters as his victims?

“They didn’t really understand. ¬†It was more of his heart, his intent, he knew. ¬†He knew it was wrong, but they weren’t even aware. ¬†They probably didn’t even understand that it was improper touch.”

I am calling straight bullshit on this one.  I was molested starting at age 5 by a boy a little younger than Josh.  Even at age 5, knowing nothing about sexuality, I knew it was wrong.  I knew no one should be touching me that way.  STOP TRIVIALIZING IT!  And again, back to my point above, maybe if you had these conversations with your children, they would be fully aware.

“Our girls, even though this was a very bad situation, as we’ve talked to other families who’ve had bad things happen, a lot of their stories were even worse.”

This was by far one of the most infuriating parts of the interview for me. ¬†Again, as I stated above, sexual abuse is a serious thing, no matter what the degree, and excusing Josh’s behavior because others have gone through worse is just unforgiveable in my book. ¬†She even asks Jim Bob here, “As a father of your little girls, not Josh, weren’t you upset about this having happened to them?” ¬†Instead of answering that question, he replies with ¬†“We are just thankful that Josh came to us and told us what happened.” ¬†The fact that neither of these parents ever acknowledge even once in this interview, even when probed, what their daughters went through, is simply disgusting. ¬†The entire thing was about Josh and what was best for him.

“We don’t let, we don’t let them play hide and seek together, you’re not alone together, and (MY FAVORITE) little ones don’t sit on big boys laps. ¬†There’s boundaries we’ve learned.”

A: ¬†Siblings should not have to have those kind of boundaries. ¬†B: ¬†Way to put the responsiblity and blame on the girls by telling them what they shouldn’t do around their boy siblings.

“I don’t know why this came out, there must have been some kind of agenda, or bribe, or something.’

I don’t know about everyone else, but I sure have an agenda against pedophiles.

“We want to be advocates for protecting juveniles’ records.”

Or, you could choose to advocate for these victims and other victims of sexual abuse.  Just a thought.

“A pedophile is an adult that preys on children, Joshua was just 14 and turning 15 when he did what he did, and the legal definition is 16 and up to be considered a pedophile.”

This was about the moment where I almost threw the remote at the tv. ¬†Now you’re just debating semantics. ¬†14 is still old enough to know right from wrong, and no matter the age, it is still a crime and should be treated as such.

“I feel like this is more about an agenda, and there’s people that are purposing to try to bring things out and twisting them to hurt and slander.”

No. ¬†Just…no. ¬†Could the person who came out with this have wanted to hurt you? ¬†Sure. ¬†But it’s not twisting, it’s the truth. ¬†And it’s not slander, it’s THE TRUTH. ¬†And one thing I’ve learned about the truth is that it always comes out, it just does. ¬†If you never wanted anyone to find about this, you shouldn’t have put yourselves in the public eye. ¬†You were not targeted because of your Christian beliefs. ¬†No one is perfect. ¬†You’re being targeted because you’re hypocrites.

“Hopefully justice will be served on those who released juvenile records.”

How about justice for your sexually abused daughters you ass?!?! (sorry, this is where I just lost it)

I do understand the need to protect your family and children, and I can understand why they didn’t want this to come out. ¬†But, this whole interview was about Josh’s struggle, they said nothing about what the victims went through. ¬†The only suffering of the victims they addressed was that now they are “being victimized by people with an agenda.” ¬†That disgusts me. ¬†Josh, Michelle, and Jim Bob are not the victims here. ¬†Those poor girls are. ¬†Who speaks for them?

In closing, I will say, I am sorry if I offended anyone with this, but as a victim of sexual abuse I cannot sit idly by and watch this whole thing be excused like he just stole a piece of candy from the drug store. ¬†And the last thing I would say to the Duggars…people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Is there something in the water?

Is there something in the water?

They say things happen in threes.  Births, deaths, accidents, engagements, and apparently…divorces.  I’m seriously starting to wonder if it’s something in the water.

Divorce is so common no one even blinks an eye anymore.  50% divorce rate in the US if you listen to the statistics.  For me though, it’s never really hit that close to home, with the exception of my parents divorcing when I was a kid.  You hear about celebrity divorces practically every day.  Or it’s a co-worker, or your neighbor, or your friend’s uncle’s roommate.  But then it gets more real.  It’s your parents.  Or your sibling.  Or your close friends.  Once it hits that close, it makes you see things differently.  These past few months have been like that for me.

I’ve always had the opinion that most people give up too easily on their marriages.  We live in a society where instant gratification is at our fingertips.  So many things that used to require hard work don’t anymore.  If you want a cup of coffee, you push a button.  If you want to know some random, obscure fact, you ask Google.  And sadly, if you’re in an even remotely unhappy relationship, there’s always seemingly greener grass at the snap of a finger. You don’t even have to leave your house or even shower to meet someone nowadays thanks to internet dating.  If something is broken, you don’t fix it, you throw it away and get a newer, shinier version.  That’s the way of the world we live in.

Now obviously not all divorces are avoidable.  If you’re in an abusive relationship, emotionally or physically, that’s unhealthy.  If someone repeatedly violates your wedding vows or has no basic respect for the marriage, that is also a recipe for disaster.  Sometimes people change the rules after the marriage license is signed.  You definitely have to be with someone who has the same life goals and values, and shares the same level of commitment to your relationship.  But when people say “we grew apart” or “we’re not in love anymore” I feel like that is a cop out.  Marriage is a choice.  Love is a choice. And it’s a choice you have to make over, and over, and over again.  It’s for better or worse, and sometimes the worse comes before the better.  The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

I have always had that hard core attitude about marriage.  You stick it out.  You honor your vows and you make it work, excluding the situations oulined above.  But these past few months, my confidence has been shaken a bit.  When you see people close to you, people you love, people you never dreamed wouldn’t make it, get divored, it makes you start to question your own marriage.  If these marriages that I thought were so amazing and strong could fall apart, who’s to say it won’t happen to my marriage? When I hear of so much infidelity everywhere, it makes me wonder, what’s to stop my husband from straying?   When my husband and I have had the same fight for the 500th time, I start to wonder if we are even compatible.  Then I start to fall into this doubt spiral and question everything I know.  It is a sad thing to see people you care about go through something so difficult and to see those dreams shattered.  And although I know in those particular cases all the parties involved will go on to be happier and better people, it’s still shocking and sad and definitely casts some doubt now and then. 

Luckily for me, I know that even though I have these doubts occasionally, I know they aren’t anything I ever have to actually worry about.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband is all in.  Even though it took him 7 years to propose, (pause for reaction!) I know he is 100% committed to us and our family and our life that we’ve built together.  We have our share of fights, believe me.  We are both passionate and stubborn, and have different opinions when it comes to a lot of hot button topics.  That makes for some volatile arguments occasionally.  There are most definitely days I have to actively choose to love my husband. And I’m sure it’s the same for him from time to time.  But no matter what, we always choose to forgive each other and move on.  I always say “Oh you’re mad?  Sorry about ya.  Have a seat and get comfy because we’re gonna work this shit out!”

There is a quote from Cory on Boy Meets World (yes, I love that show, what of it?) and it perfectly sums up the way my husband feels about our marriage.  And it’s how I know he will never betray me or leave me.  He says “Every statistic that you throw at me is gonna be about other people.  I don’t care about other people.  I care about you and me.  If every marriage failed except one, I guarantee you that one would be ours.”  That is how we both feel about each other, and that’s how I know our marriage will stand the test of time.  That, and…this:

  

They’re not pet peeves…they’re whole kennels of irritation

They’re not pet peeves…they’re whole kennels of irritation

***WARNING: The following post is rated R.  It contains strong language and adult situations.  Author assumes no responsibility for any offense taken if you choose to read past this point.*** 

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I’m what you would call a type A personality.  I like certain levels of order and organization, and like things done a certain way.  So obviously, there are a lot of things out there that seriously bug me.  They’re most commonly referred to as “pet peeves,” but to me, it’s just people having no effing common sense!  Since I still have not yet completed my master plan to control the entire world, I thought I would share a list of my top 15 pet peeves.

15.  Ombre hair color (AKA, roots)

  
Sorry Ombre fans, but it’s called roots, and if you can’t afford and/or are too lazy to keep up with hair coloring, then don’t color your hair!  I seriously don’t get why everyone doesn’t have the same opinion on this subject.

14. Socks and sandals

  
I have never, nor will I ever, understand this so-called fashion trend.  Guess what?  If the shoes require socks, then they are not sandals!

13. Drivers that don’t use a turn signal.

  
Enough said.

12. People who go to work sick.

  
Here is my PSA for the day:  You are not that special.  The company will survive without you for the appropriate amount of days it takes for you to get over whatever plague you might be suffering from.  Don’t be bringing that contagious shit around me unless you want to be punched in the face.

11. Wearing a band’s shirt to be “cool”

  
This makes me insane.  When I see a little hipster teen wearing a Nirvana shirt because they think it’s cool, but can’t even name one of their songs, I want to slap them silly!

10. Over-use of the word “like”

  
Might as well be fingernails on a chalkboard.

9. People who give their childs age in months (past the age of 1)

  
Because let’s face it, past 12 months, I’m too lazy to do the math.  Stop making me to try to decipher the actual age of your 45-month-old.  It’s not cute.

8. Couples who say “We’re pregnant”

  
I can’t even with this one.  Don’t do it people.  Just…don’t.

7. People who eat with their mouths open.

  
I always want to ask people, “Were you raised by pigs, is it a nasal problem, what?”  Whatever it is, figure that shit out, because I do not need to see your food as it is chewed and swallwowed.  And while we’re on that subject…

6.  Gum smackers.

  
You know the book 1984, at the end where they lock the people in a room that contains something that would be your greatest fear in order to torture them?  I feel like being locked in a room with someone smacking their gum constantly would be that form of torture for me.  I’m fairly confident I would literally go insane having to listen to it.  Honestly, I find chewing gum to be one of the most annoying things ever invented.

5.  People who invade my personal space in lines.

  
Here’s a tip:  If you see me inching away from you in line, that is me trying to regain some personal space so I don’t stab you.  It is NOT an invitation to move even closer to me.

4. Drivers who think they are more important than everyone else.

  
I dare these people to hit my car.  I also usually flash them some sublte form of communication to let them know they pissed me off…

3. Leggings as pants.

  
Don’t get me wrong, I like leggings as much as the next person.  Nothing says comfort like stretchy pants.  But ladies, please, no one wants to see every dimple on your ass or look at your camel toe.  If you’re gonna wear leggings, make sure the shirt is long enough to cover your lady parts!

2.  Bad grammar

  
Some days I wish I had a crappy education so all the bad grammar in the world wouldn’t bother me so much.  Pay attention in English class people.  It’s not that hard.

1.  Non-parents who give parenting advice.

  
Oh, you don’t have kids? Please, dazzle me with your parenting expertise.  Listen, I don’t even want unsolicited parenting advice from people who DO have kids.  So please, just keep those little kernels of wisdom to yourself, ok peeps?

Thanks as always for stopping by my blog.  Have a wonderful long weekend!

The Blitz

The Blitz

Before I became a mother, I had no clue how much my life was going to change.  It was definitely a rude awakening!  Soon after my child was born, I realized I was the equivalent of the blitz.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with the the blitz, allow me to explain:

“The Blitz” is a reference from another one of my all-time favorite TV shows, How I Met Your Mother.  The curse of the blitz is a curse that results in the victim missing epic, and sometimes miraculous occurences.  The effect is so strong that the victim’s absence is sometimes thought to be the cause of the epic events.  So if you are “the blitz,” it’s pretty much a given that any time you leave a room, something awesome is going to happen and you will miss it.

That was me for the longest time.  Here I was, a 26 year-old single mom of a child with special needs.  I was living in a crappy apartment, driving a crappy car, and had a crappy job.  Every time I “left the room” (i.e, quit college, took time out from my friends, didn’t go for that better job, became single) it would turn out that amazing things were happening to other people.  Every time I turned my back, someone was getting that great promotion or raise, someone was getting engaged, or married, or having a baby.  Getting a new car, or house, or that advanced degree.  Obviously my absence wasn’t what caused those things, but sometimes it felt that way.  For a long time I felt self pity, because I had not even gotten close to the succesful and driven woman I had set out to be.

Fast forward several years, and I am now a stay-at-home mom with my 10 year old and trying for another.  I still have not quite finished my college degree.  I have a part-time job, but I’m not a lawyer, or a doctor, or any of the successful things I thought I might have been.  I’m a wife and a mom.  And to be real, that actually always was my dream.  I just didn’t realize all the sacrifice and self-doubt that comes with it.  It’s the dream versus the reality, and somewhere you find the happy medium. 

The dream is that you’re this June Cleaver clone, perfectly groomed and dressed, cooking perfect gourmet four-course meals every day, with an immaculate house and a kick-ass body.  The reality is much different. I’m a hot mess! At this point in my life, the trash goes out more than I do.   Changing out of my flannel pj’s into black yoga pants qualifies as getting dressed.  You think being a stay-at-home mom means you don’t have to work, but in reality, it means you NEVER leave work.  It means doing all the work, but having people say you don’t work.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize I’m not the blitz, I am a super-star.  I have like 50 careers rolled into one title: Mom. I’m a housekeeper, tutor, private chef, waste removal specialist, ghost exorcist, child therapist, referee, private shopper, pet sitter and groomer, life coach, personal stylist, nurse, amatuer construction worker, and internet police woman, just to name a few.  I came to realize, I am amazing, and do not have to make apologies for the life I lead.

Being a mom is the most important job I will ever have.  The truth is, I didn’t lose myself when I became a mom, I found myself.  As it turns out, children aren’t a distraction from the real work.  They are the most important work.  It’s not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you gained by having one.  The most special thing I will ever do in my life is raise this little girl to be a strong, smart, confident, and caring woman.  My role in her life is the most essential and most eternal role ever.  And I plan to live up to that role to the best of my ability.  And even though most of the time I feel like I’m screwing it up, I know I’m doing the best job I can.  And it’s a job I will never regret having.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing moms out there.  Let’s elebrate each other and our children, and the screwed up but beautiful lives we all lead.  Have an amazing day!