Before I became a mother, I had no clue how much my life was going to change. It was definitely a rude awakening! Soon after my child was born, I realized I was the equivalent of the blitz. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the the blitz, allow me to explain:
“The Blitz” is a reference from another one of my all-time favorite TV shows, How I Met Your Mother. The curse of the blitz is a curse that results in the victim missing epic, and sometimes miraculous occurences. The effect is so strong that the victim’s absence is sometimes thought to be the cause of the epic events. So if you are “the blitz,” it’s pretty much a given that any time you leave a room, something awesome is going to happen and you will miss it.
That was me for the longest time. Here I was, a 26 year-old single mom of a child with special needs. I was living in a crappy apartment, driving a crappy car, and had a crappy job. Every time I “left the room” (i.e, quit college, took time out from my friends, didn’t go for that better job, became single) it would turn out that amazing things were happening to other people. Every time I turned my back, someone was getting that great promotion or raise, someone was getting engaged, or married, or having a baby. Getting a new car, or house, or that advanced degree. Obviously my absence wasn’t what caused those things, but sometimes it felt that way. For a long time I felt self pity, because I had not even gotten close to the succesful and driven woman I had set out to be.
Fast forward several years, and I am now a stay-at-home mom with my 10 year old and trying for another. I still have not quite finished my college degree. I have a part-time job, but I’m not a lawyer, or a doctor, or any of the successful things I thought I might have been. I’m a wife and a mom. And to be real, that actually always was my dream. I just didn’t realize all the sacrifice and self-doubt that comes with it. It’s the dream versus the reality, and somewhere you find the happy medium.
The dream is that you’re this June Cleaver clone, perfectly groomed and dressed, cooking perfect gourmet four-course meals every day, with an immaculate house and a kick-ass body. The reality is much different. I’m a hot mess! At this point in my life, the trash goes out more than I do. Changing out of my flannel pj’s into black yoga pants qualifies as getting dressed. You think being a stay-at-home mom means you don’t have to work, but in reality, it means you NEVER leave work. It means doing all the work, but having people say you don’t work.
But, the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize I’m not the blitz, I am a super-star. I have like 50 careers rolled into one title: Mom. I’m a housekeeper, tutor, private chef, waste removal specialist, ghost exorcist, child therapist, referee, private shopper, pet sitter and groomer, life coach, personal stylist, nurse, amatuer construction worker, and internet police woman, just to name a few. I came to realize, I am amazing, and do not have to make apologies for the life I lead.
Being a mom is the most important job I will ever have. The truth is, I didn’t lose myself when I became a mom, I found myself. As it turns out, children aren’t a distraction from the real work. They are the most important work. It’s not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you gained by having one. The most special thing I will ever do in my life is raise this little girl to be a strong, smart, confident, and caring woman. My role in her life is the most essential and most eternal role ever. And I plan to live up to that role to the best of my ability. And even though most of the time I feel like I’m screwing it up, I know I’m doing the best job I can. And it’s a job I will never regret having.
So Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing moms out there. Let’s elebrate each other and our children, and the screwed up but beautiful lives we all lead. Have an amazing day!